My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
