I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
