Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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