I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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