i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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