I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
