conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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