Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
