So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
