The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
