I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
