I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
