I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
