I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
