Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
