i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
