When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you had me at cake vodka
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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