All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
