There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i need some magic done to my vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
