Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
