thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
