I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
