My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
