Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so let's talk penis.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i now understand why vodka
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
