Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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