i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
