I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
