Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
