i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
