Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We named our party play list daddy issues
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
