it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its not stalking. its research.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
