I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize