I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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