finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize