I want to make a zoo with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We have started to decorate penises.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
