I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
