I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
