I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
