how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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