well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
