i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
