If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
