im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
