I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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