She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
