Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
