We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
