i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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