i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
