I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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