i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
