Buhtt sex?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
