My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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