White coat. Heels.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
