I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
