I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
