People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
