Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
