This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Randomize
