Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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