he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
