Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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