They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
