i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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