is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
