you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
love makes seman taste better
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
