I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
