Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
