Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
