hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
