I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
