The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
